I stole the free stuff!
by Hold Your Secrets
Summary: Emmett being emmett and basically what the title says! i know i suck at summerys but the story is really hilariouse! first one so be nice plz!rated t for no reason
1. To McDonalds!

_HII!!! Ok so this is my first story and im reeaalllyyy excited!! So plz be nice and review!! If there is spelling errors or something message me plz!! Now this is just something funny me and my best friends EVER came up with when I spent the night once and was… um well lets just say I get a little too hyper sometimes so yeeahh….So I guess ill just see ya at the bottom!!!!!!! Oh and sadly I own NOTHING!!!! Not even McDonalds. *sad face*_

Bella's pov

"BELLA!!!!! You are NOT getting away from me!! Besides Emmett, jasper, and I are taking you to MCDONALDS!!!!!!!!!" screamed Alice from downstairs.

Aw crap. I knew I shouldn't have planned that. I was over at the Cullens house on another one of those "sleepovers" while Edward's away.

"Alice why are we going to McDonalds?" I said as I walked down the Cullen stairway tripping of course. As Emmett caught me Alice said "because it'll be a great family bonding time!! And Edward promised me a Gucci purse to take you for 'human experience'."

"not again!! What's with him and the stupid human stuff??!!" I groaned. Leave it to Alice to be persuaded by a fashion item.

All four of us got into Emmett's jeep. As we drove to McDonalds, the song _Barbie Girl_ came on. Oh. My. Edward. Alice started doing a duet with Emmett. Not that they were bad at singing or anything but it was still hilarious to listen too. A little pixie and a huge muscled man singing such a song. HA!!!

_- Hi Barbie!  
- Hi Ken!  
- You wanna go for a ride?  
- Sure, Ken!  
- Jump in!  
- Ha ha ha ha! _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation _

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation _

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky  
_**By this time Alice got Jasper to sing and im on the floor of the jeep laghing my b**utt of!!_  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation _

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
_**And now I started singing!!**_  
Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party _

_You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours _

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation _

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh _

_- Oh, I'm having so much fun!  
- Well, Barbie, we're just getting started!  
- Oh, I love you Ken!_

Emmett's Pov

Haha. I love that song!! EEEEEWWWW!!! What is that SMELL!!!!!! Oh. We're here. Who knew McDonalds smelled so bad!! I mean I've heard so many people say that it smells so delicious and it smells like like I don't even know a word for it!!!

"Emmett, it's because you're a vampire. Sometimes I wonder if you even have a brain!!" said Alice

"hey!!!!! I do to!! I made Carlisle check!!" I snapped.

"EEWW. Emmett that's not right!!" squeaked Bella. I just shook my head and walked into the bad smelling building. The only thing was… it smelled even worse inside!! Yuck.

As Bella ordered her disgusting human food I walked around, ignoring the scary obsessed looks some girls were giving me. Yeesh I might be vampire hot but you don't have to stalk me!! O_O. I. See. Colorful. Packets. MUST HAVE!!!!. Wait I don't have any money~!!!! Well maybe ill just take a couple……..

_Ok so how was it? Ok I know it isn't the best but give me a break ill get better!!!!! And no I do not hate McDonalds!!!! I know it was short but im working on some other stuff!! Plz click that white button with green letters on it!!!! _

_Kel-Bear_


	2. Broken headphones and stealing free stuf

_HHHIII!!!! Wow 2 chapters in one day!! Im so awesome. Ok soo I usually wait till the next day to write a new chapter but I have an awesome idea and I have to write it!! Also thanks to everybody who has reviewed!!!! Im sooo happy!! I didn't think my story would be that good. Well enough of my babble. Read on my friends read on!!!!_

Bella's Pov.. again

As I sat down to eat my delicious chicken nuggets and fries, I realized Emmett wasn't sitting with us. Nor could I see him sitting anywhere. That's bad I should go find him knowing his stupidity. But I think ill eat this awesomeness first.

After about 1/2way done with my food and not even 1/6 of the way done fighting with Alice over a shopping trip (what is with that pixie!!!!) Jasper told us both to be quiet because a child and his mother where about to sit down.

"Mom Mom Mom!!!!!!" squealed the little boy

"Johnny Johnny Johnny!! Gosh do hear how annoying that is?!" snapped the annoyed mother

"but Mom there's a man who's stealing a lot of Ketchup, Mustard, Salt, and pepper packets!! Look he's even stuffing them down his shirt!!!" cried the boy

"Johnny, one it's not stealing they're free and two why would he- Oh my he is that is so rude and weird get your food and let's go" gasped the mother and dragged the crying kid out of the building.

No. He seriously couldn't be that stupid. Jasper, Alice, and I shared a quick look and glanced over at the front of the restaurant where it seemed EVERYONE was looking. There we, indeed, saw a man stuffing the packets in his pockets and shirt. The only bad thing about it was that that man was familiar. That man was Emmett. What. The. Fluffy.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

IMMEDIATELY!!!

10 minutes later

Still Bella's pov

After 10 minutes of trying to drag a whining and wiggling Emmett, Alice finally came back to our table holding a wiggly Emmett by the ear.

"let go!!!! They were pretty!! Ouch! Alice stop!!!" whined Emmett

"NO!! you are such an idiot Emmett!!!! Bella bring your stuff we are going home before we get kicked out." Snapped Alice. I immediately obeyed not wanting to die. After throwing my trash away, we got in the jeep and left.

*at home*

As we all got inside I pulled out my headphones to listen to my I-pod.

"Emmett what the heck?? What's with all the packets?? You can't even eat them!!!" asked Jasper.

"haha!! That was so awesome guys!! I STOLE THE FREE STUFF AND DIDN'T GET ARRESTED!!!" boomed Emmett with a happy smile like he just won the lottery.

"Emmett. 1. For the 20th time they are not stolen if they're FREE!!!!!!! 2. YOU ARE A BLUMBERING IDIOT!!!!" screeched Alice. Whoa. I think Alice just blew a blood vessel.

"I'm so not an idiot!! I am awesome! Way better than any human." Emmett mocked. Oh no he didn't.

"hey Emmett?" I asked as sweetly as I could.

"yeah Bella?" Emmett asked turning around.

And thus I hit a 100 or so year old vampire who is about 4 times my weight in the face with my headphones. He ran to his room wailing. His face broke my new headphones I realized…. It was still worth it. And then I watched some SpongeBob.

Emmett's Pov

They all are so mean to me!! They should be grateful and proud that I stole exactly 56 packets of free stuff and didn't get in trouble!! I'm a master mind!!! If Alice hadn't dragged me out of there I could have reached my goal of 529 packets!!!!! Alice probably wont let me out of the house until school starts. Hmmm this calls for some sneaking out!!!! And as of that I jumped out of the window.

_Haha yep that was my idea!!!! So go ahead and review again!!! Click on the box like your life depended on it plzzz!!!!!_

_-Kel-Bear_


	3. The List and The Text

**HIIII GUYS!!!!!!!!! Ok so I'm really sorry to say that I am making this story kind of short because I can't think of any way to make it 10 chapters!!! Trust me if I could I would but I can't. Don't worry though I still have at least 2 more chapters left AND I have some story ideas that I'm putting into writing!!!!!! You will really like them trust me!!!! Ok so I know I might be wrong on some of the places Emmett goes too so don't harass me about them!!!!! I just picked random places!!!!!!! So go ahead and read on and look out for any of my new stories!!!!!!!!!!! see ya at the bottom!!!!**

Alice's pov.

Emmett is the most stupid vampire I have ever met!!! He couldn't even make a descent purse out of those packets so what's the point??!! Calm down Alice, you have to remember that Emmett is stupid and childish. Plus I could swear he has A.D.D. I should probably go upstairs and tell him to get his butt down here and stop sulking. At vampire speed i ran up stairs and knocked on Rose's and his door. Nothing. Nothing at all not even breathing.

"Please tell me he didn't!" I groaned out load. But of course he did. "Jazz, Emmett snuck out!!" I yelled

"where could he have gone?" he asked running upstairs "he's such an idiot."

"that seems to be a common word today" said Bella walking up the stairs.

"well I know where he went off to" I sighed ignoring Bella's comment.

"where and how" Jasper said annoyed.

"here read it" I said handing him the list that Emmett carelessly left on his bed.

"1. Arby's in Seattle

2. Sonic in Vankover

3. Wendy's in Portland

4. Spangles in Spokane

5. McDonalds in (awesome name) Kamloops (go through drive through so they won't recognize you!!!" read Jasper.

"well I guess we have a new road trip guys. Oooooooo that means I can dress you guys up in new outfits!!!" I squealed

"UGH!!! NO Alice we don't have time for that!! We have to get him before Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Edward come home!!!! Come on.." Bella cried as she tried, yet failed, to pull me to the stairs, but I went anyways because Jasper carried me down the stairs instead. oh he is sooo being lonely for a month!!

Edward's Pov.

Sigh I miss my Bella. We were in Kamloops by now. We where about done so in a couple hours I would have my beautiful Bella in my arms at last.

"Edward move it! I'm tired of you moping over Bella through this whole thing!! I kind of wish she was one of us so she could come along

I growled but kept hunting. After about 20 minutes I felt sloshy so sat down on a log and called my Bella.

"Hello?" her voice was so beautiful it made me ache inside.

"Bella its Edward. Are you ok? You sound breathless.. Maybe I should come home early."

"NO!! I mean no. im fine I am just err um playing um hide and seek with Emmett.. And he's uh really good." I could hear Alice and Jasper laughing in the background. Wait why was she playing hide and seek with Emmett?!

Well I have to go. I love you. I miss you." I sighed

miss you too Edward. But I do have to say I love you more **(awwwww)** " she said making me smile

"well I'll see if that's true at home. Goodbye my love." and as of that I hung up. What am I going to do with Emmett?!

Bella's pov.

After I hung up with Edward I felt guilty for lying.

"Bella its not really lying. We kind of are playing hide and seek with Emmett. Its just kind of an extreme version." said jasper sending a wave of calmness out. We had already gone too Arby's and Sonic but they said he left.

"What could he have wanted with all those packets?" asked the manager of Arby's. Of course she was blonde and 5 foot 9 with her heels on. She also had to much lip-gloss on.

"for his chew toy now lets go my dear husband." Alice snapped when she saw she was checking out Jasper. Poor girl probably peed her pants. I just smiled and got in the car. And off we went to Wendy's.

*at Wendy's*

Emmett's Pov.

MUHAHAHAHA!!!!!! After Arby's and Sonic I had 489 packets!!!! I am so awesome! Now it's time for Wendy's. As I got through the door I could feel people looking at me. I made my way over to the soda fountain that had the precious packets. Whoa. I think I started drooling. Oh well!

Before I could take any at all, three girls came over. Two of them looked like twins. They both had long blonde hair, that reminded me of rose, and ice blue eyes. The only difference was that one had Demi Lavoto(SP?) bangs. The other had long bronze hair with brown eyes that remind me of Bella's. The one that didn't have the bangs said: "im sorry but um we shall be taking ALL of these packets. so... I guess I'll just take them now.. hehe." and with that she grabbed a handle full and stuffed them into her purse. Her sister did the same. The bronze haired one started talking. "yeah um so sorry about that but you see we are VERY hyper and... we like colorful things. So.. wait... you are collecting them too!!!! this calls for a PACKET WAR!!!!!!!!" she shouted causing more people to look over.

"you're right. I AM collecting!!! Let's take this outside!!" I said. They are so going down.

As we got out side they started throwing the open packets at me making me sticky and ketchup. The war has started.

Bella's Pov

Well we found Emmett. He was in some packet war with these 3 girls. They ran away thinking we were cops I guess.

"EMMETT CULLEN GET YOU'RE A** IN THE CAR NOW!!!!!!!!" Alice screamed.

"God Alice I think you popped another blood vessel!! Gosh ow!! That hurt my ears!! Yeesh I think people in CHINA heard you. God tone it down!!".. bad move bella. You are so stupid

" SHUT UP BELLA!!!!" whoa. Did Alice just twitch?! I took a step back next to Jasper

" Fine Alice. I reached my goal anyways. 596 packets!!!! WOOP!!!! Ok let me put them, in my jeep." Said Emmett… what an idiot.

"come on Emmett ill go with you and Alice and Bella will go in Alice's car. " said Jasper. This is gonna be a long way home.

*at home*

When we finally got home we managed to get all the packets inside (Emmett wouldn't let us throw them away) My phone started to buzz. A text from Edward.

_Hello love, we are coming home early. I can't wait to see you. I'll be there in 10 minutes! I love you_

_-Edward_

Oh. Crap.

**So how did you like it?! I didn't think it was so funny but trust me the next one will be HILARIOUSE!!!!! Trust me. I only have 2 chapters left. I will have some stories coming up so take the poll on my profile!!!! Plz!!!! Thanks and review!!!!!!!**

-Kel-Bear


	4. Edible Edward

**HIII!!!! Whoa another chapter already?! I'm so awesome!! Well this chapter is supposed to be the best of all of them cause it's HILARIOUSE!!!! I'd like to send a thanks out to EVERYBODY who has been reviewing!! You guys are so awesome and keep filling my head with ideas!!!! Remember to go to my profile and take my poll!!! Choose which story you want me to start on next!!! If you have any questions private message me!!! I'll answer all!!! So read on!! OH!!! And I know I keep forgetting but I do NOT own ANYTHING!!! I don't own: Twilight, The restaurants, The characters, the line "what the fluffy?", and what little I have of fashion smarts (well at least knowing the prices!! Because I'm actually very stylish hehe) these things are owned by: Stephanie Meyer, Whoever those awesome people are who love food, Stephanie Meyer, My Bestie Madz, and my other bestie Kitty Kat!!! Love all of you guys!!!!!! See you at the bottom!!!!!**

Bella's Pov (continued)

No No No!!!! Edwards coming home in 10 minutes and we have these packets that are oozing things in the living room!!!! Wait… I have an idea!!

"Bella you are such a mastermind!! Haha but why your own-" said Alice before I cut her off.

"Shhh!!!! Come on just help I'll explain it later now help!!" I said urgently.

*Edwards home!!*

Boy am I tired. Who knew those things would be hard to carry?!

"Bella?" I heard Edward call behind me.

"Edward!! I've missed you!!" I cried giving him a hug "catch any mountain lions for me?" that made him laugh

"yes. Yes I did. How about I take you to dinner tonight? Let me just go change my shirt. I was unusually messy when I hunted this time." He said and started to go up the stairs. Oh crap that means getting into his closet.

"Edward wait!!" he turned around "um let's just eat here. I mean I'm just kind of exhausted?" it sounded more like a question than a statement. Nice going Bella!!

"ok. Well let me change though I feel weird wearing this." He said and started to go again.

"WAIT!! Uh um you can just go uh shirtless." God how stupid am i?!

"um Bella love why?" he asked flashing my favorite smile.

" because uh I like you shirtless" Oh my god did I just say that?! I could feel my face get red. He chuckled

"as much as that compliment indulges me I think ill change" he said and sped off to his room. We're screwed. After about 3 minutes of nothing I thought that maybe he got it from the laundry but nope I was wrong.

" EMMETT, ALICE, JASPER, BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS THERE PACKETS OF KETCHUP MUSTARD PEPPER AND SALT IN MY CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" damn he found them.

The only bad thing was that I guess they all collapsed after he opened the door because he was covered in all the packet sauces.

"Oh my Edward. Edward I um well I love you. And you do look like a very edible meal." I said laughing so hard I was crying!!

"Bella… thank you but I'm gonna have to make you edible to" and with that the war started as of EVERYONE was throwing packets at each other. But that also was when Carlisle and Esme walked in.

"My dear god what have you done?!" cried Esme

We all pointed to Emmett

"HEY!!!" he wailed and we all just laughed

**Haha ok so I know it was super short but I wanted to save Emmett's punishment for the next chapter!! And I have the perfect idea!! So tell me what you think of where they put them!!! And take my poll please!!! I know short chapter but the last one will be awesome!!!!!!!!!**

**-Kel-Bear**


	5. EPILOGUE

**Alright Epilogue!!!!! WOOT!!!!!! Haha ok so here's the epilogue for I stole the free stuff!! FINALLY!!!! It took FOREVER!! I had writers block + School. It just SUCKS!! So since I am sick today I can write!! Yay/ugh so Read on!!!! Oh and this is the last chap. ******** sorry guys!!**

Bella's POV.

So… when Esme and Carlisle got home finding us COVERED in ketchup, mustard, ect. They didn't take it so well, but since we all blamed it on Emmett we all, besides Emmett, weren't allowed to leave the house. Jasper and Alice are upstairs (SHIVER), Rose is brushing her hair, and I'm with Edward listening to music. As for Emmett………… well let's just say he's tied up. Haha I know lame. We ended up tieing him to a chair with chains, taping his eyes open, and turning on 19 hours of DORA THE EXPLORER!!!!!!!! Muhahahahaha…. I'm hungry!!

" I'm gonna go get something to eat." I said, crawling off the bed.

"M,kay. I'm gonna wait here. I have had enough of human food for today." Edward said. I just walked out of the room.

"Stupid shiny Volvo owner. Always has to be a smartalic" I murmured. I heard him chuckle. As I was walking toward the table with my pop tarts I noticed something laying there. Hey, it's a phone…..

Emmett's POV (oh and he's to childish to understand he can break the chains…..)

They are so evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They locked me down here and made me watch DORA!! She is so evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I don't want to learn Spanish!!!

"Can you help me find Marshmallow Mountain?" asked Dora

"No" I said

"Great!! Ok do you see it?"

"WTF??!! i said no!!!!!!! gosh fine. Its right behind you you idiot!

"Where?"

"There!!!"

"Yay we found it!!!!"

" Dude I found it!! THIS IS WHY I HATE YOU!!!!" I said. Hmm I wonder where my phone is… I pity the fool who looks at my pictures. All of a sudden I heard a scream.

"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Bella)

**Haha so yeah that's it!! Oh and I'm not dissing Dora!! I'm just saying that she scares me …….. I don't own ANYTGHING!!!! ******** so look at my other stories if you like!!! ….. plz………… **


	6. BIG NEWS!

Hello! Well, I know it's been almost a year since I added this story, but I have BIG news!!!!!!

**IF YOU WANT A CROSSOVER FOR THIS STORY PLEASE MESSAGE ME, TAKE MY POLL ON MY PROFILE, AND ….. THAT'S IT…..**

Haha, happy? I hope so! So, what are you still doing reading this boring part go take the poll and message me!!!!!!


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